I (32M) met a woman (38F) at a bar last weekend. We hit it off and she came back to my apartment afterward. We just hung out, talked, and I made her food before she went home. For our second date, she parked inside my gated apartment complex since it was free and we walked to a few nearby bars. Looking back, that was probably my biggest mistake.
The date was honestly going well for most of the night. But as it went on, I gradually lost interest. She was flirting with other people while we were out, became much more physically affectionate than I was comfortable with for only a second date, and I also learned she was a single mom whose two kids live across the country. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I realized we probably weren't a good fit.
At last call she orders a shot, then afterwards suddenly grabbed me and went in for a kiss. We'd kissed many times throughout the night, but my reaction this time was instinctive and I awkwardly pulled back. I genuinely wasn't trying to embarrass her. It just hit me in that moment that my attraction had faded. She immediately started crying. I apologized and tried explaining that I hadn't meant to react that way, but then she started insulting me and calling me a douchebag. At that point I decided the date was over.
Because her car was inside my apartment complex, I kept saying something like, "Let's just call it a night and I'll walk you back to your car." She refused, and we went back and forth for a few minutes because I genuinely didn't know how she'd get her car if I left. Eventually, with the bar closing, I became more direct and basically said, "We're done here. We need to go get your car." That's when everything went off the rails.
She shoved me so I'm like ok we're done and I'm walking out. She then flipped over a barstool and I look back (the whole bar is watching now...great) I said to myself with my hands out like what the fuck are you doing and then she chased me out of the bar as Im walking out, scratched my neck, and shoved me into another customer walking in. I apologized to the guy immediately. The manager came outside, checked that I was okay, told me to head home, and handled the rest.
The next morning her car was gone, so she obviously figured out how to get it without me. Thank God! Never again.
Looking back, I think my mistakes were:
- Letting her park inside my gated apartment complex.
- Staying in the conversation too long instead of just leaving.
- Becoming too directive instead of simply saying, "I'm leaving."
- Edit: yes I should've said let's get an uber instead of lets get your car...I'm sorry I was too busy dodging insults and chairs to make good thoughts. Regardless I don't see her reacting well either way.
At the same time, I don't think the physical escalation was an appropriate response. So what would you have done differently once the situation started falling apart? Was I an asshole here?
